10 Things and a Chat with Jalmari

The computer screen casts a dim glow on J.D.'s head. Her face is just visible under the pile of post-it notes. Deep, slow breaths claim the air as a trickle of saliva runs across the wood and dampens the ends of her hair. Jalmari phases into the room and glances at J.D. A sigh ensues before he phases back into the hall, then barges in, banging the door against the wall.

J.D. jolts upright then glances around the room in confusion for a few moments before she realizes she has company. "Oh, hey, Jalmari. Can I help you?"

"Yes. We need to talk."

JD puzzles the damp knot of hair stuck to the side of her face and goes to work trying to brush it out with her fingers. "You guys have a post due for the Character Cafe, don't forget."

Jalmari frowns. "Have one of the others do it."

A coy smile inches across J.D.'s face. "You're already here. The topic is '10 Favorite Things'." She waves at the computer while standing, then disappears into the adjacent bathroom. She enters the room again in an instant with a hairbrush and makes a constipated-looking face as she forces the brush through the snarled hair.

"If I do the post, can we talk about something serious?"

"Mm? Yeah, sure."

Jalmari narrows his eyes, giving J.D. his "I-mean-business look", but J.D. is oblivious and continues to work on her hair. With a sigh, he seats himself at her desk and types.

10 Favorite Things
by Jalmari ta Korento

1. Blood
2. Sex
3. Flying
4. Speed
5. Being the leader of my clan
6. Having an author around to write my biography
7. Which
8. She

9. Is not
10. Doing.

Jalmari hits "save" then leans back in the chair. "Blog post complete."

J.D. frowns, sets down the brush despite several locks of hair still being stuck together in one gooey chunk, and goes to look over Jalmari's shoulder. "Hey, you wrote that in chapter four of my WIP!"

"At least you have something in chapter four now."

J.D. narrows her eyes at Jalmari. "Let me guess, this 'serious talk' you want to have is about me not working on Dark Liaison, isn't it?"

Jalmari pivots the chair to face J.D. and crosses his arms. "Yes."

J.D. rolls her eyes. "Well it's not my fault! Jesu and Ema don't delegate the story like you do, and D.L. doesn't focus on you as much as the first book did, so you're S.O.L."

"But the third book does focus on me. I want that third book, J.D." Jalmari points a finger at a picture frame hanging in the center of the far wall. "You got that contract you so desperately wanted. You have a deadline now."

J.D. groans. "I know, I know."

"You made a commitment to yourself and to everyone, just like I made a commitment to my clan."

J.D. inhales a sharp breath and opens her mouth to speak--

"Do not even think about getting on the subject of the Council and me going A.W.O.L," he warns. "That is a completely different and justified condition."

J.D. exhales. "Oh sure, completely justified." She rolls her eyes.

"I'm going to send my brother and the girl in now. I expect to see some progress before you retire for the night."

A dead-pan stare crosses J.D.'s face then turns into a pout. "Fine, but have Ema make me a cup of coffee first. She's the only one that remembers not to mix blood into my drinks."

Jalmari nods then leaves the room. J.D. quickly shuts the door then flings herself onto the bed and buries under the blankets. A soft snore fills the room in no time.

The Vampires Make a Character

Jesu:  Is the post were we write J.D. as a character?

Ema:  Yeah, we're doing it now since last time we announced the news about our book instead.

Jalmari:  This topic is simple, J.D. would love to be a vampire.

Jesu:  I agree.

Ema:  *Nods* Defiantly.

Jalmari's lips curl into an impish grin:  The real question is which clan would she belong to?

Jesu returns his brother's grin and pulls out a large, leather book crammed with wrinkly yellow pages.

Ema rolls her eyes:  Not that thing again.

Jesu sits and props the book on his lap. He flips through the pages:  I think the Eretikan clan suits her.

Jalmari:  Interesting choice...yes, I can see her quite at home with the Eretikan.

Ema:  Ahem, some of us have no idea what you're talking about.

Jalmari:  You ought to study then.

Jesu: The Eretikan was a Russian clan of vampires. Small, timid creatures, but very deadly. They looked a little bit like large fairies, but with fangs instead of wings.

Ema:  Thank you for clearing that up.

Jalmari:  It's too bad they're extinct.

Jesu shurgs: J.D. has the ability to bring them back, you realize?

Jalmari makes a face: I hope she didn't hear that.

Ema:  If Jalmari thinks that would be a bad idea, then I definitely vote against it.

Jesu:  Relax, this is only for fun.

Jalmari:  I'm sure that little tyrant would be queen of the clan as well.

Ema gives Jalmari a look:  I don't know how she puts up with you.

Jalmari:  You know I'm right.

Jesu:  As much as I hate to admit, I do think J.D. would be the villain in any story. Most likely a seductress.

Ema:  Oh, you guys. I think J.D. would take a secondary job, like Maria, helping when she's needed.

Jalmari:  Hey, Jesu, do you think she would have violet eyes or silver?

Jesu:  Violet. It is her favorite color.

Ema snorts:  I'm sure she'd have both.

Jalmari:  Ahh, so you admit our author is a tyrant.

Ema:  No! I just know she likes both of those colors and well...she made my eyes black and red...so why can't hers be violet and silver?

Jesu:  Alright, so Eretikan vampire queen with violet and silver eyes and long, black hair...

Jalmari:  With a Napoleon  attitude...

Ema:  What is with you and the short jokes?

Jalmari snickers:  You just don't like it because she made you the same height - or lack of...

Ema:  Oh, you are so dead!

Jesu:  Can we focus please?

Jalmari:  Call it "Dark Tyrant Imp"!

Ema:  I'm leaving now.

Jesu shakes his head and chuckles.

J.D. walks into the room as Ema leaves. Ema:  Do not ask them about today's post.

J.D. smiles:  I'm just happy I finally found a topic you were all so eager to discuss.

The Announcement

Ema, Jesu, Jalmari, Maria, and Naamah line up shoulder to shoulder. Each vampire has a big, goofy grin on their face.

J.D.:  Okay guys, ready? Maria, we'll start with you.

Maria beams and steps forward:  Darling readers, today we hope you forgive us for not following the assigned topic.

Naamah:  While we would love to poke fun at J.D., we have an exciting announcement to share instead.

Jesu:  Yesterday, our author, J.D., received word that Dark Heirloom has been accepted for publication and is now under contract with Muse It Up Publishing Inc.

Jalmari:  So please take a moment to extend your sincere congratulations to J.D. Brown.

Ema:  And know that by this time next year, Jalmari, Jesu, Naamah, Maria, and I will be available on e-readers everywhere! Congrats Jen, we all knew you could do it!

*All the vampires gather around J.D. for a group hug*

J.D.:  Aww, I love you guys. *sniffle*

Too Much Spare Time

*Everyone crowds around J.D.'s computer desk and looks over her shoulder.*

Ema: I don't get it.

Jalmari: Nor do I.

Jesu: *sighs* I am afraid I do not understand either.

J.D.: *puts her elbows on the desk and rest her chin in her hands* Okay, what don't you understand this time?

*The three vampires glance at each other*

Ema: Today's topic, "Favorite place to spend spare time".

J.D.: And that is confusing because...?

Ema: Oh, how do I say this nicely? Well, all our time is spare time lately.

J.D.: Hey! I've been working on you book everyday for the past two weeks. *pouts*

Jesu: Yes and we appreciate that, but we don't actually do anything while you edit.

J.D.: Well then, that should mean you guys have lots to talk about for this post, right?

Jalmari: Mmm.

Ema: All we do is lounge around your house.

Jalmari: Indeed.

J.D.: Great - talk about that.

*All three vampires groan*

J.D.: Oh, by the way... you guys are bunch of liars, mmkay? When was the last time I had a good night's sleep?

*The vamps glance at each other. Jesu rubs the back of his neck, Jalmari glances away, Ema bites her lip and looks at the floor.*

J.D.: *Crosses her arms over her chest* That's what I thought. Now get typing.

Ema: Alright, alright, I'll handle this. *She sits at the in the computer chair. Jesu and Jalmari watch over her shoulders*

*Ema types* - In our spare time, we like to bug J.D. about scenes for book 2 and the rest of the series, which, I would like to point out, she hasn't started yet...

J.D.: Not true! Book 2 is outlined, so NUR!

*Ema rolls her eyes and continues* ... which, I would like to point out, she hasn't started WRITING yet. J.D. doesn't like this because it causes her to toss in her sleep and often wake up and work on our story at all hours of the night. But we can't help it if we get bored at night, we're vampires, we're NOCTURNAL, plus we don't sleep anyways, but we are much more active in the night. If she had wanted normal characters, she should have stuck with humans.

Jesu: You are getting a bit harsh there, don't you think?

Jalmari: It works for me. *He wonders of to the living room*

Ema: I guess we'll just end it here?

Jesu: *nods* Let's go see if J.D. has any more O-negative in her fridge.

Ema: *glances at her hands* If she does, we better take it outside. I almost bit one of her Pomeranians last time.

A Day in the Life of a Vampire - or - A Bunch of Characters Rambling Off-topic Again

Jenna: What's the topic, again?

J.D.: "A day in the life."

Jenna: Meaning ...?

J.D.: Just blog about a typical day for you.

Jenna: Before or after I became a vampire?

J.D.: Uh ... after would probably be the correct choice seeing as how you are now firmly a vampire in my mind.

Jenna huffs: Which I still don't appreciate, for the record.

J.D: Yeah, yeah.

Jenna glances at the computer screen and hesitates: Is this supposed to be about a day in the novel or a day in your head?

J.D.: Um ... good question. I would would go with a day in the novel since, if you talked about a day in my head, you would be writing about a day in my life as apposed to yours.

Jenna makes a face: But I don't like talking about life as a vampire.

Jesu perks up: Why not?

Jenna glares at Jesu: A little privacy, please?

Jesu mumbles sorry and pretends to watch T.V.

Jenna: Can't someone else do this post? One of the new characters or something?

Seth appears out of nowhere: I'll do it.

J.D.: You most certainly will not.

Seth: But my life is awesome. The gigs, the parties, the groupies ...

J.D.: Exactly.

Jenna: She only picks on the miserable ones, Seth. You'll see.

J.D.: Hey! I do not. And why are you miserable, Jenna?

Jenna scowls: Like you don't know.

J.D.: Um ... no, I don't know.

Jesu: My guess is she's seen that Amazon Award contest idea in your head.

J.D. blinks: So?

Jesu: So ... she wont even blog about her life, you think she wants everyone reading the novel?

Jenna: You can shut up any time now, Jesu.

J.D., jaw dropped to the floor: Jenna, that can't be true? Why else would I have slaved over the keyboard nearly going crossed-eyed and ripping my hear out over your story if I didn't intend for it to be read by an audience?

Jenna points at Jalmari: That's why.

Jalmari: What?

J.D.: Okay, I admit, Jalmari did practically force me to write it, but it's a great story, Jenna, and people are going to read it, and now we are off subject. Your blog post, please?

Jenna: Fine. Each day I get harassed by a bunch of stuck-up, rude vampires. Then I'm forced to hurt and embarrass myself by practicing my so-called powers. Then I'm forced to drink blood, which makes me do more embarrassing things, things comparable to what a drunk sailor might do. Everyone gets mad at me even though I can't help it and I didn't want to drink the blood in the first place. Then I'm left a lone, hurt, and romantically confused. Oh and the best part? It never, ever stops because we don't sleep.

Jesu quirks a brow: Romantically confused?

Jenna scrunches her nose at Jesu and then storms out of the room.

Jesu, mumbling to himself: Romantically confused.

J.D. pats Jesu on the arm to comfort him: Maybe I should have had an other character do this post.

Seth: It must be her time of the month.

J.D.: Not now, Seth.

Ana walks in: What's wrong with Jenna? I passed her in the hall, she seems upset.

Seth: Miss Obvious joins the conversation.

Ana punches Seth in the arm: If was your fault ....

Seth: What? You'll break my arm?

Ana, grinning: I'd do that anyway.

Seth, laughing: I'd like to see you try.

J.D.: Guys! Can't we ever get through one blog post without me getting a headache?

Seth: Isn't the post technically done? Jenna did state what a typical day is like for her, even if it was layered in sarcasm and not very detailed.

J.D.: Thank you, Seth. So why am I still typing our conversation?

Seth looks at his hands: Oh, sorry, that was me.

J.D. quirks an eyebrow: How the heck did you get control of my hands? Oh gods, that's very bad.

Seth grins and shrugs: I don't know, it just happened.

Jesu: We can all do that when you type. Just, most of us are a little more respectful.

J.D.: You can? Well stop it!

Seth: But this is good stuff, and you don't give me enough lime light as it is.

J.D.: Seth, you don't even have your Greek accent yet, for one. And, two, this post is getting too long any WAY off topic. I demand you stop right no--

Ten Things I Miss from the Year 400 B.C.

10 Things I Miss From the Year 400 B.C.
By Jalmari ta Korento

1. Eating raw meat wasn’t abnormal.

2. Politics was much easier. Fights were easier to settle. Eye for an eye, or death.

3. Humans knew we existed. No need to hide … or not as much as we do now.

4. Doing most everything with your bare hands, no technology.

5. Humans were much more gullible and respectful. Tell them you were a god, and they’d worship you. Or call you a demon. Either way, they knew better than to mess with my kind.

6. No modern weapons. We had the upper hand in battles.

7. Open, undeveloped land. Space to breathe.

8. Public Greek bathing houses. I don’t think that needs an explanation.

9. Women were easier to please. Didn’t expect much, didn’t complain as much.

10. Food was easy to come by, lots of defenseless humans. Lots of causalities from battles. Also, more large animals.

Dear Jen...

My Dearest Jen,

Words cannot express my gratitude. I came to you in the darkest hour of night a year ago and abducted your dreams. I told you my story, and every day for a year you slaved so diligently at your desk, recording my words, my memories, engraving my life onto every page. Even though you wanted to make me the central part of the story, you respected my decision to stay in the background, and for that I am grateful.

I know you worry about me. At work, in your day dreams, while you sleep. Constantly worried. You fear I am angry with you. I am not. You have done nothing but written exactly what I told you to write. I am distant because, reading the story again, wounds I thought had healed long ago have since been re-opened.

Taking a residence in your mind and body, I watch you always. I’ve seen, with pride, how you’ve grown. You do not need me to guild you through book two. I am fully confident in your abilities. Take care of Jesu for me, and of the girl, Jenna.

Sincerely yours,

Prince Jalmari ta Korento

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Jalmari,

Why does it sound like you’re leaving me? You’re not leaving me, right?!?! *Hyperventilates*.

J.D.

**You can email Jalmari at DarkHeirloom@gmail.com with the subject "To Jalmari" or click here.

Introducing Prince Jalmari (also featuring Jen)

Jalmari: I will have you know that I am offended. Jen, you of all people know why vampires do not converse with the human race, and you know why such a deed is especially dangerous for me. I am appalled that you ask me to blog to the public, and even more so that you would force me.

Humans of the world, I would not dare to share my name or history with you.

~*~*~

Jen: Quit being dumb, Jalmari. You’re the reason I wrote the dang book to begin with.

~*~*~

Jalmari: That may be, but do you forget why I refused to be the main character?

~*~*~

Jen: No, I didn’t forget. But here’s something for you to think about: Shut up and write your blog post before I think of something evil to do to you in the sequel.

~*~*~

Jalmari: You mean something more evil than what you already have planned? *Rolls eyes*

~*~*~

Jen: *Puts hands on hips* Don’t push me, mister.

~*~*~

Jalmari: Very well, how’s this: Humans of the world, I am Prince Jalmari ta Korento, heir and ruler of the Neo-Draugrian clan. You do not know that my kind exist because that is how we like things. However, the truth is, if not for me, most of you would be dead, your bodies sucked dry to feed my fa –

~*~*~

Jen: *Sigh* Just … stop. If you’re not going to take this seriously, than I’m not going to bother with you.

~*~*~

Jalmari: Excellent.

~*~*~

Jen: Ugh! *Walks away from the computer, shaking head.*